Well, hell if I know.
A friend of mine suggested that I blog about a situation I was in once where I lost my temper, quite spectacularly I may say, at a real estate settlement. I used to work at a title insurance company, several in fact, where I conducted settlements for people buying houses. I was known for my patience, my ability to defuse difficult situations and keep all parties relatively calm.
Until this one day...
It looked like a normal settlement with the exception that I had been warned the sellers were a little difficult to deal with. Well, that wasn't a big surprise. Eighty percent of the time I would be warned that one party or another was difficult. Normally I would merely take it in stride. Normally. Today, on some level, I had just had it with difficult people. These sellers were beyond the pale. Trying to change standard legal documents, which cannot be changed. Whining, complaining and holding things up to the point that I suddenly realized it was 6:00pm or so, I'd been off the clock for an hour and we were no closer to being done then we were when we started at 4:00. The sellers were calling me incompetent and generally making derogatory remarks aimed at me. No problem, I'd been here many times before.
Or had I?
Apparently not. Today was the day that I had officially reached the end of my rope. Well, actually the mid-point of my rope, because the end of my rope is a whole other story.
The look on the sellers realtor's face when I broke was unbelievably priceless! I really, to this day, wish that I had a picture of it. She and I had worked together for years and she was, also, the model of calm at a settlement. I stood up from my chair at the head of the table, slammed my hands down on my desk for everyone's attention and informed the sellers, loudly, that they would sign the documents as is, or get out of my office, as I no longer had time for this. I don't remember what I did next. Walk away for a few? Sit back down? Don't know, it was years ago. But looking back I know what happened that day.
An anger trigger had been punched. I didn't realize it then. Then, I believed the sellers were just assholes and I, and their realtor, were stuck dealing with them. Were the sellers assholes? Well....yes. But I'd dealt with that before and not lost my cool.
Today was different, because these men were attacking my ability to do my job well. I knew I was good at what I did. The realtors knew I was good at what I did. I had thank you letters and recommendations out the wazoo to prove it. These men were, pure and simple, bullies. Trying to get their way, trying to make the women at the table uncomfortable. And they succeeded. Because even though I did eventually stand up to them, I did it in an uncontrolled manner.
I freaked.
Now I look back and I laugh. But I'm also working on the issue.
We all have anger triggers. Things that happen in the past that we bury are brought to the surface by someone years down the line. I am not a professional therapist and this advice is not intended to be accepted as coming from a professional. I will say, however, that I'm still working on this issue. I've identified the source. I know why I'm so insecure about the things that I do. What if I'm not good enough? What if someone finds me out? So, when someone challenges me I lash out. I KNOW I'm good enough, why don't you see it!? Because they don't. Because they are bullies. Because they're damaged themselves and need to attack to feel strong. Who knows.
But I do still look back on that day and laugh.
So does the realtor!
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